Mecha of eight

Winter is very hard for those who don't have shelter in this life, that's what my dad says. And it's true, I always knew it, but now that I'm older it's worse, I suffer more. For me and for my brothers, and for my dad, of course.

We are four in the family: Tulio is eleven; me, Mecha, eight; I drink, six; and my dad who must not be very old, but he walks stooped and has wrinkles of sadness that make him look like an old man.

We work selling, but we have few things left to sell, the most valuable went to pay for mom's burial. And it's okay, dad and I wanted a burial box and everything, Tulio didn't want to spend money on that. What if she was dead, why spend so much money on that if mom wasn't going to notice. But dad didn't listen and gave him the burial. Of course, we are left alive and in ruins. I miss my mommy, dad says that she was very sick and now she doesn't suffer anymore, that it was better that way.

We sell everything that can be sold, first it was our things, the beds, the mattresses, mom's clothes, the lanterns, the chairs, we took everything out on the street and people bought it. But when things ran out and dad was still out of work, we went out to beg around the houses. And that's what we do up to now, I accompany dad door to door, he asks for work for him or me, but we never get it, so right there we take what they can give us, either to eat or to sell later. Dad says it's because of my angel face that people take pity and give us something. Tulio tells me that it's a lie, that the old man is taking me with him because I'm pretty and he's afraid that if he leaves me alone the neighbors will rape me. I don't know if I believe him, and I'm not afraid of being raped. Rosita told me that her stepfather raped her a few times a long time ago, and now she allows herself to be raped and earns money. I want to do the same, take off my panties and get raped, but she tells me that I'm still a girl, that when I turn fourteen or fifteen she's going to introduce me to some guys but I have to wait. And the truth is that I don't know what to do, because up to fourteen gives me a very long time that I can't wait, and now I need the money.

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Every day we clean the merchandise that we bring, the pots, pans, jugs, plates, and other things that I don't know exactly what they are, we polish everything until it is shiny, if there are clothes we fold them neatly and separate them by size, the same with the slippers. We arranged the things in the cart that Tulio made with a wheel that he found near the train track and some dilapidated wooden boxes that Miguel, the greengrocer, gave him. Tulio is the smartest of the three, and he left school a long time ago. I also left school, I didn't go anymore, I didn't learn anything there at all. I lasted while mom lasted. Bebo hasn't seen school yet, and I don't think he will one day.

Winter is very harsh, yes. We are poorer in winter. The frost makes the mud white and it doesn't go away until the sun rises stronger, that's why we didn't sell the shoes or the warm clothes, and I was able to keep the woolen hat, luckily, because the cold on my head it hurts me. Tulio says that we have to endure without complaining or crying, that no one finds out about our misery, that I don't have to tell people where we live. That if the government finds out they are going to lock us up and they are going to separate us and they are going to punish us. I don't believe him, why are they going to lock us up if we don't do anything wrong. Tulio says it to scare me, I know, because he's jealous, he wants to go out like me, but he's in charge of staying at home to make sure we don't get robbed and take care of Bebo too.

There are days when we don't sell anything, and they don't even give us a piece of bread. We go further and further to get something, we go through the neighborhoods where the most beautiful houses and asphalt streets are. But there are days when we don't even get things there. Rich people must get tired of being good, and I get tired of walking so much and when I'm like this I don't want to walk anymore and dad lets me get in the car and he takes me, and I get tired anyway, I get tired of the cold and of seeing him like that, so tired he too.

The good thing about today is that we grabbed two giant pieces of rug from the garbage, they are so big that it took dad a lot to adjust them so they wouldn't fall. I asked him to please keep a piece, even a little piece, how nice to step on something warm and soft like that, but I don't know if he's going to give me a ball. Maybe the rug doesn't come with the rug at night. The other day dad put cheat food on them so they would die, and some of them will have died, but one was left alive and at night it appears, and that really scares me. I'm afraid it's going to bite my toes while I'm sleeping. Dad doesn't believe me, but I saw her. I would have to kill her. I know the cheat food is in the black bag in the tool drawer. I would have to kill her, so I sleep peacefully. Dad says the rug is sold, all of it.

Tulio is boiling a pumpkin, he put rice and the spicy red

I love spicy soup, it warms my belly so much it lasts until I fall asleep. Today it is spicy and special because I put a good handful of the mouse food in it, and we are all eating it, except Dad because his stomach hurts. His stomach always hurts when we go to eat and he doesn't eat anything. Maybe I left a little bit in the pot, that's where he eats when he passes it and it's enough for us who are going to meet mom, there where you don't suffer anymore.

María Angélica Ciciarello, from Nordelta, Tigre, Province of Buenos Aires, Argentina