Ten ways to help a friend with breast cancer

Un diagnóstico de cáncer de mama es un mazazo de tal magnitud en la vida de cualquiera que muchas personas no saben cómo gestionarlo. En ocasiones, con toda la buena intención del mundo agravan el problema en lugar de aligerar la carga de las pacientes. Yo pasé por un proceso parecido hace algunos años y viví situaciones de todo tipo, algunas de ellas tragicómicas.

This list of tips that I propose worked for me, in my specific case.That does not mean that they can apply to anyone, but if they serve to help a single woman, it will be worth the time we have dedicated.This text remained forgotten at the bottom of my computer since then, but it has been the recent diagnosis of a friend which has encouraged me to publish it finally.So, go for you, Cristina.

01.No fuss

Your friend has just told you that she has cancer.Try to control your own emotions, keeping calm and serenity.Avoid projecting your fear about her, or talking imagining what would be a news like this in your own life.The problem has it, not you.You do not remember the number of people who die of cancer but do not do otherwise, take away importance or speculate that everything will go well.At this moment she will be shock and cannot think clearly.Will need lucid people around them to guide her in their needs, not people who try to make self-therapy through others.Do not forget.Serenity, please.

With all the love of the world towards people who have reacted like this, we dedicate these vignettes.Everything will depend on the level of trust you have with her and what you can help, but get to speak with someone who has gone through the same is the hand of Santo.

02.Better a message than a call

Since the news has been communicated to her, your friend has probably collapsed and may be with tears to the leather.If you call her on the phone at such a complex moment, rather than help her, perhaps the only thing you get is to revive the disgust again and again.Unless it is very, very close, try to communicate with her by messages.In this way you will respect your times and the information you want to give you.

Even if you die curious to know the details, wait for her to take the initiative.When a prudential time has passed and she has assimilated it, go ahead, call it.

03.Internet ... peanut!

Do not let you look for information on the Internet and much less through Google, which will track and keep your search and torment it with advertising related to cancer and health for months.It helped me a lot reading books with high doses of rigor.

The desperate search for fast, magical and alternative solutions is one of the phases of the assimilation of the news, after the denial.Don't let your friend get lost in her.Take it firm from there, if you see what would break.

04.Nobody's fault

At this point we must underline with a very large red marker: we do not cause our diseases.Therefore we are not guilty of having them.Expenses from your life to those who think that your cancer have caused it yourself, they are highly toxic people.Any oncologist can give you thousands of examples of women who had a healthy diet and played sports, highly stressed women and others who were not, fat women, thin, vegetarian, etc ... and all of them developed a cancer.It is a disease of multifactorial origin.And it is not always within our reach to control all the elements that generate it.

And another thing.It is important not to get carried away by negative thoughts.But nothing will happen if they are experienced occasionally.And much less must feel guilty if pessimism invades it.It is completely human and will not have any impact on the healing process.

05.Never alone to the consultation

Once the diagnosis has been confirmed, make sure that the tests are never done alone.As much as she insists, no matter how much she tells you not to be bothered, that she does not need company.To the doctor and the tests, always accompanied.Because, in addition, the level of words and medical jargon to which it will be subjected constitutes a master's degree in obligatory study to understand everything that comes over it.And better if there are four ears and two brains attending.

06.Rest is rest

This anecdote was told by my doctor and I laughed a lot imagining her: a woman goes to the consultation accompanied by her husband.When he begins to explain to the two that the patient needs absolute rest, notes that the woman makes small signs pointing to her husband.

07.Visits of two by two

The state of tiredness and exhaustion that will cross during treatment is huge and your friend may not have the head for anything else, except to take care of itself.A single -person visit requires concentrating and participating in courtesy conversation, while if you go two by two it can be more bearable.Visitors will talk to each other and she will not feel obliged to intervene, if she doesn't feel like talking.Keep attention when all body cells are focused on fighting the tumor is exhausting, so much more comfortable if you can disconnect mentally when you need it.

And don't even think about your perfume.Colonies, perfumes, sets and strong smells in general are transformed into something very annoying, because in the healing process the senses of taste and smell are very altered.

08.The infallible gift: moisturizing cream

Put to choose objects or actions that can help your friend, the range of possibilities is wide: from a wig if he wants to put it on, to a tupper overflowing with healthy food.But there is a side effect that I did not know of chemo and is the high level of dehydration that produces.

A good moisturizing cream is a very useful gift that will use insurance.For mixed, dry, sensitive skin ... no matter.Maybe I have to combine them on the same day several times.And be careful that a pharmacy cream is not synonymous with "good cream" for an oncological patient.Each cosmetic that I use is analyzed with one of those mobile applications that detects if there is any carcinogenic substance in its composition."I don't trust those things," a pharmaceutical company once told me."When you survived cancer, you come and tell me." I answered.

09.In the room, silence, please

I completely ignored what chemotherapy consisted.I related it to the verb "burn" and put to imagine, visualized a laser beam that burned the inside of the body in search of the malignant tumor.But not.It comes from chemistry.The chemicals that injected you into the body through a subcutaneous catheter, which temporarily implant in an area of the neckline and extract again when everything is over.

The chemio administration process usually lasts several hours and produces a state of support close to sleep.Each noise, each volume rise becomes an unpleasant cacophony.Please, if you accompany a cancer patient at this time, keep silent, for her and for the rest of the patients who are in the Chute room.They will be grateful to you.

10.The end is not the end

Another of the moments that patients usually catch is when the whole process ends.After the aggressive treatment it is already cured and you have to go back to life.The planet has continued to turn but the disease imposed a different, more leisurely and minimalist time.All people who have been leaking a hand and taking care also accuse tiredness and need to return to their daily activities.

I felt as if he had just left jail.The world was very quickly and I was very slowly, I couldn't adapt to before.It took time to appreciate the flavors, to enjoy the smells, to worry about the same nonsense.It was an unexpected period of vulnerability in which the one that had been the main occupation for months disappeared: cure me.The ground had disappeared under my feet.

Well then.At that time, keep your eye on your friend because I assure you that, however overwhelmed that you feel for so many attention, you will continue to need them a little more.So do not release it by the hand until you make sure you walk alone, firm and at the same pace as before.